calvin aka p.phresh

One day i ignored the calls of a good friend. Unfortunately it was probably the wrong time to do it. This time they really needed me and i wasn’t there for them.

I feel terrible for abandoning them. I was never one to do that to anyone, i don’t know why i chose to do it that day. I’m an idiot for doing it.

If i could turn back time and do it over again, it would’ve happened differently.

I hate it when people do it to me, so i don’t know why i did it to someone else.

I apologize to those that needed me when i wasn’t there.
I’m sorry.

afterthoughts:
I think what it really boils down to, is that when my friend passed away i felt like i wasn’t there for him when he may have needed it most. I vowed never to let my friends down. That was a promise i made to myself. And then i let it happen again…. i’m beating myself up over this, and i can’t help it.

canada day is quickly approaching.

I am at work for the next two days, and then there’s a national holiday, stuck right in the middle of the week.  I may be at work, but i dunno how much work i’m actually doing.  This week is almost a total write off for me.

on another note… i wish i knew what i wanted in life right now.  I’m still kinda in limbo, not sure where to go or what to do.  Hoping to have some clarity by summer’s end.

Lyrics | Smokey Robinson & The Miracles - The Tracks Of My Tears lyrics

7 years ago, while vacationing in Toronto, I bought a t-shirt that had a print on it that i really liked. It was a Lithium graphic tee that had a row of images of a guy in poses from bboying and popping. Underneath the images, it said “Techniques for battle”.

I really liked the shirt, because i had just started getting back into bboying and popping. They didn’t have it in my size, XL, so i bought it in a Large size instead, even though i couldn’t fit a Large shirt, i just really wanted it cause i thought it was such a cool shirt. I tried it on, and it was way too small for me. It didn’t fit at all, but i was glad to own such a cool shirt. I just kept it, and stored it in my closet.

Today, i’m wearing it. And it fits.

On saturday I turned the big 3-OH. I have officially been walking this earth for 30 years now. That’s a long time!

This year was a pretty crazy celebration. I wasn’t really quite sure what i was gonna plan for my celebration but i’m happy the way it turned out. My birthday fell on the Saturday, May 2nd, and originally i thought i’d just go for dinner and go to the club. But then i thought… “Hey why not make this a bit bigger?”

Friday is where it all began…

Friday, 8PM, Dinner at Chop Premium Steak House
-Chop doesn’t take reservations in the evening. I called ahead and they set something up where we all kinda sat together in one area at separate tables.
-I had about 20 guests at dinner
-Had some wine with Alison
-Had a ahi tuna pillar… rare tuna… mmm delicious
-Had the 12oz prime rib, medium rare…. excellent cut and nice and juicy… very tasty!
-Carrie ordered me a 24-layer chocolate cake… it really was 24-layers, 12 layers of cake, 12 layers of chocolate icing in between each layer of cake
-The server tells me i must be a popular guy to have 20 guests come for my bday dinner… yeah… you better recognize.

Friday, 10:30PM, Drinks at Bar Italia
-we get to Bar Italia and i send my friends to raid a booth that only had two people sitting in it. Shortly after those people left… LOL
-i had a bunch of shots and a couple Vodka RedBulls… cheapest Vodka RedBulls in the city, $6.75!
-left Bar Italia around 12:30… everyone kinda just left. That’s fine… there’s always tomorrow!

Sauturday, 12:30AM, Home
-go to bed slightly drunk
-drank lots of water
-passed out till about 5am
-couldn’t get back to sleep cause of the Vodka RedBull
-watched Paul Blart, Mall Cop…. shitty movie

Saturday, 1PM, lunch with family
-dimsum at North Garden

Saturday, 6PM, gaming time with XT friends
-game at XT… played with Randy and Julien
-3 minutes left in the game…. intercom: “EVERYONE VERSUS THE GUY IN THE SWAT VEST (me)”
-I turn to my teammates who happen to be 3 girls… “If you shoot me i will shoot you back!”
-I turn around and get shot in the gut, right where the vest stops, twice in the same spot by two different guys… ok i’m done.

Saturday, 8PM, dinner with Candace
-dinner at Hanabi
-happy cause i got sushi for my bday dinner! YAY!

Saturday, 10PM, club prep
-rush home, all tired and full from dinner
-get ready for clubbing

Saturday, 11PM, The Republic Night Club
-I wore a shirt and Tie.
-I imposed a rule for my birthday… Black and Crimson for the Women, and Shirts and Ties for the Guys.
-I thought i’d be the only one to follow my own rule.
-Surprisingly all my friends complied. All the guys wore ties, and all the girls wore black and red!
-So happy to see that so many people followed my rules!
-Definitely helped with the classing up of the crowd… all the people in my group were wearing shirts and ties… nice!
-Had over 35 people at the club… most of the guys wearing ties and most of the girls wearing black and red…. FUN!
-Had numerous shots and drinks passed to me all night
-Had my drink swapped out for water occasionally… thanks Candace.
-End of the night came, and i was still standing, and i was even popping on the dance floor. LOL

Sunday, 2:30AM, home at last
-lots of water
-passed out
-slept till morning
-no puking, no room spins

Sunday, 12 noon
-woke up tired and hungry
-had a greasy breakfast to help recover
-back home after lunch and slept till dinner time.

Sunday 6:30PM, Dinner with Family and Close Friends at Sun Fortune
-HUGE DINNER!
-So much food
-A WHOLE DUCK!
-Carrie made Black Forest Cheesecake cups at my request…. pretty tasty!

Sunday 9:00PM, Bubble Tea
-still full from dinner
-Real Fruit Red Bean Bubble Tea… couldn’t finish it at all.

i had a huge birthday this year! it was a 3-Part birthday! SO MUCH FUN!
I don’t think i’ve ever felt so important! I remember i had a birthday one year, and i had about 5 people come out. That was really depressing. But this year I had 2 large gatherings and a small gathering…. i couldn’t have asked for more. I do appreciate all that made it out… made feel important on that important day of the year for me.

Ever since i had that shitty birthday with 5 people i wanted to stop celebrating birthdays, and every year since then my sister, Carrie, comes out to all my birthdays and always asks me if i’m having a good birthday. I love my sister!

Anyways…. I think this year might have been the last large celebration for me. It was such a crazy weekend. can someone else plan my birthday for me next time?

sometime early in the month of march i bought a chin up bar. I was told by my friend Kevin, whom i usually go to for fitness tips and exercise questions, to get myself a chin up bar and do chin ups everyday…. as many as i can. And so i listened to him… i thought it’d be a good investment anyways. I went out and purchased one of those P90x Chinup Bars. They don’t require any mounting hardware so they can be mounted on most door frames without any drilling or screwing to the door frame.

Since the beginning of March i’ve been working on doing chinups. Last year at christmas time, about the time when i stopped going to the gym due to christmas holidays, i was able to barely complete 1 unassisted chinup. It was pretty hard for me.

During the time between Decemeber and March i stopped going to the gym on a regular basis… yeah that was a bad move on my part. But i’ve been maintaining my weight thus far. I wasn’t going to the gym but i was still doing push ups every few nights of the week as well as dips. I’d use the kitchen counters where they made a corner and i’d do dips there. Also on a side note… i couldn’t really do dips that well either last year between August and December. But i am able to complete 3 full sets of 10 now… it’s great! I feel great! ….anyways… back to chinups… in the beginning of March i could do maybe 2, 2 and a half. SO great… i’ve progressed since december.

But since the beginning of March i’ve done chinups everyday, as many as i could every morning when i wake up and every night before i go to bed. I got up to about 4.5 chinups about 2 weeks ago. I was barely progressing as fast as i’d hoped… so i went to Kevin.

Kevin told me to start doing negatives. Negative chin ups are chin ups where you start from the top…. where you are already pulled up. But you lower yourself for a count of 3. then you do it again until you can’t do it anymore. He said, “do all your chinups and then do your negatives until you can’t hold yourself up anymore.”

Do i did that, and immediately after 2 days of doing negatives i was able to crank out that 5 chinup. And now i’m progressing nicely. This morning i am up to about 7 chinups already. A pretty amazing feat for someone who could barely do one in december.

some chin up tips can be found here:
http://tinyurl.com/c4skt6

This past weekend was really fun. It was such a packed weekend, and it really felt like i made realyl good use of my weekend. There was barely any time to sit around and do nothing. Everyday was go go go!

Friday - DJ Z*Trip
i went to check out DJ Z-Trip at the Republic… this guy is so crazy. He played some really good mashups. I was joined by Lee, Bell, Ivy and Tina. WHOLLY what a good night. The only crappy part about Friday night was that i had to be up at 7 am on Saturday morning. So this made it an “early” night for me. I’m usually out till like 3 or 4 but since i had to be up earlier than normal i went home to bed immediately following the club.

Here’s one of the highlights from the night… (first it needs to be set up. Last Saturday bell and i were talking about her and this guy she’s been seeing, and how she does not want to be in a serious relationship with said guy. She goes on and on about how she just likes to hang out with him, but she’s keeping her options open and he [let's call him John Doe] knows that and will be okay if she drops him for another guy for a serious relationship. Bottom line is… she does not want a boyfriend out of [John].)

me: “how’s it going?”
bell: “Good, i have a boyfriend.”
me: “WHAT?! since when???”
bell: “Since sunday.”
me: “WHAT?! how does [john] feel about that?”
bell: “[John] is my boyfriend.”
me: “WHAT?!”

LOL… i guess you had to be there.

Saturday - MRI, Work, Drinking Games
Saturday morning i ended up sleeping 4 hours before i had to be up for an MRI appointment. They took a scan of my foot that’s been giving me grief since i’ve been back from Tokyo back in October… it’s like on and off… right now it’s okay but it sometimes hurts…. anyways. My appointment was at 8 so i was up at 7 and there by 8. The appointment lasted an hour and i left the pan am clinic at 9. I went for breakfast and grabbed some lunch and a couple energy drinks before heading to work at the library at 10.

Got off work at 5 and went to SuperStore and the LC before going home. I cleaned up the house cause i had planned to have people over at my house. At about 830, alison arrived with a bottle of wine and i helped her drink it until about 10ish when Marek arrived with his bottle of gin. After that a bunch of other people poured in. By the end of the night there were about 15 people in my house sitting on the floor in my living room and we were all playing sociables. Sociables is a drinking game you play where you everyone draws a card from the deck one at a time, each card means something (see the rules for sociables). The most important card is the rule card…. this is the card that really let’s you have some fun! When you draw a 5, you get to make up a new rule. The last time we played, one of the rules i used was “you cannot say ‘I’.” Which is quite funny, cause you’d be surprised to see how often you say ‘I’. it turned into a lot of 3rd person talk. “calvin is enjoying this rule.” Some other rules that came up the last couple times we’ve played were:

“you cannot say ‘I’.”
“you cannot say ‘you’.”
“you cannot say ‘me’.”
“you must drink with your non-dominant hand.”
“every time you take a drink, you must say ‘Joe’.”
“you cannot point.”
“you cannot say ‘drink’.”
“every time i take a drink, [so and so] has to take twice as many.”

lol it’s funny… our last game ended up with a lot of “CONSUME BEVERAGE!!” cause we couldn’t say drink. And this poor girl Candace… i gave her the “every time i drink, Candace has to drink twice as much.” Oh man it was ridiculous. Made it fun though cause she made sure i wasn’t breaking any rules or else she’d have to drink… so she was on the ball for me!

After sociables i was pretty much done. I was thoroughly inebriated. I sat there and watched some others play other games… Indian Poker, and bunch of Chinese drinking games. What a crazy night though. Two people ended up crashing at my place.

Sunday - Recovery, Popping Class
As Sunday rolled I spent the entire morning in bed, and finally got up at about 1 in the afternoon. Thankfully, i drank a lot of water towards the end of the night so i wasn’t all that hungover and i recovered fairly quickly. Me and the last couple of stragglers at my house decided to get some breakfast so we went out to Smitty’s to eat. After having something to eat i felt pretty good. I drove my friends home and then i came home, picked up my other friends, and we went to popping class. I taught waving on sunday, arm waves and body waves. I realized that all those shoulder exercises having been paying off. I was able to keep my arms outstretched for a lot longer than the students in the class. You’d be surprised about how long you can actually keep your arms stretched out like that… it’s not very long at all.

After popping we went out for sushi… i love sushi… i’ve been going to this place a lot lately. “Hanabi” they are on corydon right next to Nikko’s and The Second Cup. Great sushi for a great price. And every wednesday they have half price on rolls! I finally got back home around 10ish and i got to bed and crashed.

Next weekend will begin earlier since it’s good friday… i’m excited! i think i’ll have a BBQ on friday!

on the ipod rotation right now…

usher - something special

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
This one’s for the lovers, follow me

Clearly this is new for me
I get excited when you’re here, my dear
Make no mistake you are all I see, sugar
My vision’s never been so clear

We both know that I’ve been running so long
This time love won’t let me leave
Please be patient, hesitation aside
We’re almost where we need to be

But in the mean time let me say what’s on my mind
Baby, I, I think we’ve got something special
Girl, you and me together we’ll take over the world
You know I love you, I need you so
So happy, I just want to let everybody know

Think back to the time when I was scared to let it show
Having too much fun with this and that or what
Now, that you’re mine
Somewhere along the way everything fell in place

I’m so proud of how you represent me, baby
Whether rockin’ Armani, Dolce&Gabbana
Roberto Cavalli, Louis or Gucci, girl
No matter what you wear, you do your own with it
I feel the same years from year

But in the mean time let me say what’s on my mind, oh
Listen, I think we’ve got something special
Girl, you and me, together we?ll take over the world
You know I love you, I need you so
So happy, I just want to let everybody know

That I think we’ve got something special
Girl, you and me, together we?ll take over the world
You know I love you, I need you so
So happy, I just want to let everybody know

You know I need you, baby
(I love you)
You know I do, I need you, baby
You know I do, I need you, baby
You know I do, I need you, baby

Now, that you?re mine
Somewhere along the way everything fell in place

Hey, hey, I think we got something special
Girl, you and me, together we?ll take over the world
You know I love you, I need you so
So happy, I just want to let everybody know

I think we’ve got something special
Girl, you and me, together we?ll take over the world
You know I love you, girl, I need you so
I’ll never, never let you go, no
You’re so special

man i had a weird dream last night. I dreamt i was having an argument with an old friend. The same sort of argument that had already happened. It was like i was re-living it. But it was new. It was so vivid, and it felt so real. I felt like crap when i woke up this morning cause of that shitty dream. I dunno why i chose to relive an argument that made me feel like shit. i thought dreams were supposed to be enjoyable. I guess it’s been on my mind lately? Or subconsciously? Whatever the case, i just wanted to forget about it.

Last night helped my sister to produce a little video to send in for a contest. I think it turned out well… although i wasn’t there to do the filming. I would’ve liked to see some varied shots, tighter, wider, changed the character placements…. but in the end i think it worked well. We created the beginning 10 seconds from scratch last night and i animated it quickly…. i think it’s quite funny. I like the last bit, edited for quick cuts…. makes her seem almost crazy.

**EDIT**
Apparently the video can’t be on youtube, so it has been removed. Sorry for those that have missed it.

It’s been a long time since i’ve actually done any video editing or played around with after effects. It was fun…. i miss it. i wanna do more. I should spend more time on the creative aspect of working with after effects. I wanna do a lot more motion graphics.

I just got this song dtuck in my head, so i had to listen to it. Plus, the rotoscoping in the video… i like.

Uh [6x]

[Verse 1]
Day and night
I toss and turn, I keep stressing my mind, mind
I look for peace but see I don’t attain
What I need for keeps this silly game we play .. play
Now look at this
Madness to magnet keeps attracting me, me
I try to run but see I’m not that fast
I think I’m first but surely finish last .. last

[Chorus]
Cause day and night
The lonely stoner seems to free his mind at night
He’s all alone, through the day and night
The lonely loner seems to free his mind at night (at, at, at night)
Day and night
The lonely stoner seems to free his mind at night
He’s all alone some things will never change (never change)
The lonely loner seems to free his mind at night (at, at, at night)

[Verse 2]
Hold the phone
The lonely stoner, mr. solo dolo
He’s on the move can’t seem to shake the shade
Within his dreams he see’s the life he made .. made
The pain is deep
A silent sleeper you won’t hear a peep, peep
The girl he wants don’t seem to want him too
It seems the feelings that she had are through .. through

[Chorus]
Cause day and night
The lonely stoner seems to free his mind at night
He’s all alone, through the day and night
The lonely loner seems to free his mind at night (at, at, at night)
Day and night
The lonely stoner seems to free his mind at night
He’s all alone some things will never change (never change)
The lonely loner seems to free his mind at night (at, at, at night)

[Verse 3]
Slow-mo
When the temple slows up and creates that new, new
He seems alive though he is feeling blue
The sun is shining man he’s super cool, cool
The lonely nights
They fade away he slips into his white nights
He smokes a clip and then he’s on the way
To free his mind in search of
To free his mind in search of
To free his mind in search of

[Chorus]
Cause day and night
The lonely stoner seems to free his mind at night
He’s all alone, through the day and night
The lonely loner seems to free his mind at night (at, at, at night)
Day and night
The lonely stoner seems to free his mind at night
He’s all alone some things will never change (never change)
The lonely loner seems to free his mind at night (at, at, at night)

At, at, at night

Na, na, na, na, na, na
Kid Cudi

cross posted from Facebook:

i’m so tired of all the bullshit i get from everyone.

Fake people that promise one thing and do another. I’m left depending on them only for them to fail. They drop the ball and i am left to pick up the pieces.

What happened to being reliable? If i expect you to do something why can’t you come through? There’s no respect. It pains me to be in this situation. I love them as friends but when they disappoint me i get so frustrated.

I put too much trust into everyone and i’m left pissed off with nothing to show for it.

If i ask you of something, come through. If you can’t do it, don’t give me excuses, don’t give me lies, just give me the truth. I would rather have you tell me the truth, and me be disappointed then you lie to my face and still be disappointed.

how bout a little respect?