Now that i’m back at work, i’m trying to keep my mind occupied.  As long as my mind is not dormant i am able to not think about losing one of the people i love most.  Dammit, it still hurts.

I miss her lots still, and i still wonder what she is thinking now.  She must think i don’t care at all since i haven’t talked to her since last thursday.  She probably believes that i really didn’t care that much about her.  But in reality, i do care, i do want to call her, i do want her to know that i think about her all the time.

Or, she’s out having fun, now that she is free to do what she pleases, not a care in the world.

maybe.

or maybe i’m just being stoopid and should stop thinking about these things.

I did a lot of drinking on the weekend… it was a whole lot of drinking.  I haven’t been this inebriated since i turned 18 or when i started my first year of university where i went to a beer bash and found myself puking out the chicken breast sub i had eaten earlier in the evening.  There were pink chunks, it was gross.

My goal of the weekend was to get drunk and kill some braincells, but incidentally i didn’t kill the right braincells, because i’m still hurting, and this morning i had a meeting and found myself scrambling for the words “estimated cost” while i “um”d and “uh”d in front of my colleagues.  Wow did i feel stupid.

Last night did keep me moderately busy though.  I attended Natasha’s (cliff’s third child) 1st birthday… where many kids and a clown was present.  I had previously double booked myself that night and i ended up leaving the party early to meet up with an old friend, Grace, who was gearing up to leave for Korea for a year.  We watched a movie, had some incredible laughs and went for coffee afterward.

Grace and I don’t talk very often, but when we do we carry on right where we left off.  I would consider her a true friend.  No matter how much time you spend apart from someone and you can pick it right back up from where you left off –that is what you call a true friend.  You don’t need to spend time making sure to keep up with them all the time, you just go, you say “hi” and you carry on like nothing’s different.  Grace is one of the very few that i can do that with.  It’s like a low-maintenance friendship!

Afterwards, I stayed out later than i should have, and went cruising to meet up with others.  I stayed out as late as possible so i could just go home and fall asleep.  I think laying in bed is the worst part when you miss someone.  It’s so quiet and you can’t do anything but think about them.  It sucks and i hate it.