This morning i looked at my phone to see if i missed any phone calls or messages from her.  I received a few text messages, but nothing from her.  I’m coming to the harsh realization that nothing will be coming at all now.  I am completely heart broken by this.  On my way to work i checked Facebook only to see that she had logged in and changed her personal status, not her relationship status, that was changed a month ago and we did away with them (probably an indication of things to come as well… i should’ve known).  Her personal status had changed, but nothing in it mentioned pain or distress.  Her status remained happy and delightful about future plans.

Seeing her status made it even worse.  For the first time since this whole thing began i actually felt sick to my stomach.  It struck me with great pain that i wanted to just throw my phone out the window and curse the skies.  “FACK YOOOO”

Of course i’m a little more reserved and haven’t thrown my phone to the ground in several years.  I paid the consequences for that one when i had to replace it after.

It’s the mere thought that she could continue her “fun and fancy free” way of life while i left sitting in a heap of anger and sadness.  There is no remorse, and there is no second thought… she just keeps motoring on.  I guess I didn’t mean that much to her.  It sucks.

Many people have told me that “You wouldn’t want to be with someone that wasn’t fully devoted to you.  It’s not fair to yourself.”

And it’s true.  I don’t want that.  I want full devotion, happiness, and love for me, and me alone.

Today brings the weekend, and i will begin a new chapter in life.  Perhaps even a new story.  Things will get better.  I got a raise at work.  I’m going overseas for holiday.  I’m going to be sent overseas again by work for a conference.  And I will continue going to the gym.  Things are already looking better.