as of late i’ve been feeling quite down.

I’ve been hard on myself. I don’t feel like eating, and i don’t feel like socializing. When i go to work i want to just sit in a corner and do my work, and not be bothered. I don’t want to hear about the weather, i don’t want to hear about the load of work you have to do, and i certainly don’t want to make small talk with you.

Sometimes i’ll put my headphones on and not have music on just so i have an excuse to ignore people.

I am having trouble getting to sleep. i’m having trouble staying asleep. i’m having trouble waking up. To me it all seems like bullshit, day in and day out. Work doesn’t get any better and I feel like my friends don’t get any better. I’m losing my closest friends because i’m being so anti-social. I can’t stand being anti-social, yet i can’t stand being fake when i’m out. I want to go out and have fun, and i want to stay home and be dark and gloomy.

Today felt so heavy, after so much of the week’s stress finally built up and came crashing down last night. All i wanted was someone to talk to, but i had so much trouble finding somebody i could confide in. And since last night i’ve been in this terrible funk where i believe i am alone. how shitty is that? No one to talk to and no one to depend on.