calvin aka p.phresh

man i had a weird dream last night. I dreamt i was having an argument with an old friend. The same sort of argument that had already happened. It was like i was re-living it. But it was new. It was so vivid, and it felt so real. I felt like crap when i woke up this morning cause of that shitty dream. I dunno why i chose to relive an argument that made me feel like shit. i thought dreams were supposed to be enjoyable. I guess it’s been on my mind lately? Or subconsciously? Whatever the case, i just wanted to forget about it.

Last night helped my sister to produce a little video to send in for a contest. I think it turned out well… although i wasn’t there to do the filming. I would’ve liked to see some varied shots, tighter, wider, changed the character placements…. but in the end i think it worked well. We created the beginning 10 seconds from scratch last night and i animated it quickly…. i think it’s quite funny. I like the last bit, edited for quick cuts…. makes her seem almost crazy.

**EDIT**
Apparently the video can’t be on youtube, so it has been removed. Sorry for those that have missed it.

It’s been a long time since i’ve actually done any video editing or played around with after effects. It was fun…. i miss it. i wanna do more. I should spend more time on the creative aspect of working with after effects. I wanna do a lot more motion graphics.

I just got this song dtuck in my head, so i had to listen to it. Plus, the rotoscoping in the video… i like.

Uh [6x]

[Verse 1]
Day and night
I toss and turn, I keep stressing my mind, mind
I look for peace but see I don’t attain
What I need for keeps this silly game we play .. play
Now look at this
Madness to magnet keeps attracting me, me
I try to run but see I’m not that fast
I think I’m first but surely finish last .. last

[Chorus]
Cause day and night
The lonely stoner seems to free his mind at night
He’s all alone, through the day and night
The lonely loner seems to free his mind at night (at, at, at night)
Day and night
The lonely stoner seems to free his mind at night
He’s all alone some things will never change (never change)
The lonely loner seems to free his mind at night (at, at, at night)

[Verse 2]
Hold the phone
The lonely stoner, mr. solo dolo
He’s on the move can’t seem to shake the shade
Within his dreams he see’s the life he made .. made
The pain is deep
A silent sleeper you won’t hear a peep, peep
The girl he wants don’t seem to want him too
It seems the feelings that she had are through .. through

[Chorus]
Cause day and night
The lonely stoner seems to free his mind at night
He’s all alone, through the day and night
The lonely loner seems to free his mind at night (at, at, at night)
Day and night
The lonely stoner seems to free his mind at night
He’s all alone some things will never change (never change)
The lonely loner seems to free his mind at night (at, at, at night)

[Verse 3]
Slow-mo
When the temple slows up and creates that new, new
He seems alive though he is feeling blue
The sun is shining man he’s super cool, cool
The lonely nights
They fade away he slips into his white nights
He smokes a clip and then he’s on the way
To free his mind in search of
To free his mind in search of
To free his mind in search of

[Chorus]
Cause day and night
The lonely stoner seems to free his mind at night
He’s all alone, through the day and night
The lonely loner seems to free his mind at night (at, at, at night)
Day and night
The lonely stoner seems to free his mind at night
He’s all alone some things will never change (never change)
The lonely loner seems to free his mind at night (at, at, at night)

At, at, at night

Na, na, na, na, na, na
Kid Cudi

cross posted from Facebook:

i’m so tired of all the bullshit i get from everyone.

Fake people that promise one thing and do another. I’m left depending on them only for them to fail. They drop the ball and i am left to pick up the pieces.

What happened to being reliable? If i expect you to do something why can’t you come through? There’s no respect. It pains me to be in this situation. I love them as friends but when they disappoint me i get so frustrated.

I put too much trust into everyone and i’m left pissed off with nothing to show for it.

If i ask you of something, come through. If you can’t do it, don’t give me excuses, don’t give me lies, just give me the truth. I would rather have you tell me the truth, and me be disappointed then you lie to my face and still be disappointed.

how bout a little respect?

as of late i’ve been feeling quite down.

I’ve been hard on myself. I don’t feel like eating, and i don’t feel like socializing. When i go to work i want to just sit in a corner and do my work, and not be bothered. I don’t want to hear about the weather, i don’t want to hear about the load of work you have to do, and i certainly don’t want to make small talk with you.

Sometimes i’ll put my headphones on and not have music on just so i have an excuse to ignore people.

I am having trouble getting to sleep. i’m having trouble staying asleep. i’m having trouble waking up. To me it all seems like bullshit, day in and day out. Work doesn’t get any better and I feel like my friends don’t get any better. I’m losing my closest friends because i’m being so anti-social. I can’t stand being anti-social, yet i can’t stand being fake when i’m out. I want to go out and have fun, and i want to stay home and be dark and gloomy.

Today felt so heavy, after so much of the week’s stress finally built up and came crashing down last night. All i wanted was someone to talk to, but i had so much trouble finding somebody i could confide in. And since last night i’ve been in this terrible funk where i believe i am alone. how shitty is that? No one to talk to and no one to depend on.

I couldn’t sleep last night.  there’s so much going on in my mind that I can’t even get to sleep.  so many unanswered questions and so much anger, sadness, and disappointment.  I can’t believe you cut me so deep.  why?  how?  I’m so tired today.

tired of not sleeping at night.
tired of your lies and deceit.
tired of not having anyone to talk to.
tired of anger.
tired of rage.
tired of sadness.
tired of disappointment.
tired of thinking of you when i go to sleep.
tired of thinking of you when i wake up.
tired of all the childish behavior.
tired of being the fool.
tired of all the games you play.
tired of getting too caught up.
tired of falling for you.
tired of getting hurt.
tired of heartbreak.
tired of feeling alone.
tired of all the crap i go through.
tired of being tired.

that is all.

so it has been a while since i last posted here before today.  A month and a half.  I’ve lost the drive to blog, but i guess i’ll try and pick it up again.

So i’m going to quickly re-cap what’s been going on for me:

• i go to dance practice 2 days a week, wish it could be 3 but i work during one night of practice
• i have done 3 showcases for popping in the last month and a half
• all i can think of is dancing
• i am going through a personal recession, cash is tight
• i re-addicted myself to playing video games
• my addiction: Call of Duty 5: World at War
• i didn’t go to the club for most of january, ended up going on the last weekend of january
• i have been to the club almost every weekend in february
• my cousin from TO came to visit on Valentine’s weekend
• I spent Valentine’s with my cousin, and Billy Fung, hardly a romantic evening, i’d say
• movies i saw in the theatre:
• Push
• He’s Just Not That Into You
• Coraline
• Saw the Boyz II Men concert last weekend:  OFF THA HOOK
• i bought 4 tall mirrors and set them up in my room so i could see myself while practicing popping
• my so-called “friend” marek has ditched me several times already
• i am looking for a place to practice popping on sundays, like a dance studio
• i am bored with my life right now
• i have acquired an additional 3GB of music, mostly funk and hip hop
• there was this one girl i liked but it didn’t quite work
• we are still friends
• i think i need to start working out hardore again
• i learned that the popping course being offered at the UM is of no benefit to me
• i ended up teaching the teacher what popping really is
• i still have not heard from my “ex”, no contact, not even in passing
• sometimes i just want to leave winnipeg
• i am excited the winter is ending
• can’t wait for BBQ!
• started hanging out with Lee again
• it’s been years since we did
• started hanging out with Keri again
• it’s been years since we did
• i’ve been thinking about teaching popping formally
• but i know i’m not good enough or qualified to teach it
• when i go to work i want to leave right away
• i find that traffic is much lighter after 8:45AM
• i hate traffic first thing in the mornning, such a buzz kill
• had starbucks once in the last month and a half

So i guess that’s all i’ve got for now.  I’ll try to update this thing more often (Sorry Gracie).