calvin aka p.phresh

someone once told me…

“No seed ever sees the flower.”

Just some words of inspiration and what it means to me…

you can never predict the future and so you should not hold back because the outcome could be better than what you expected.

I have 3 upcoming performances.  2 performances in January, and one will be in February.

I’m quite excited to be popping in front of an audience.  I’m not quite used to it, and it’s all completely new to me.

So I spent this new year’s at Blush.  And I had a good time.

I arrived at about 10:30 and the place was slowly filling up.  By 11 the place was full and the dance floor was completely packed.  Around 11:45 they filled the champagne fountains and everyone had a glass in hand.  We counted down from 20 and when it hit midnight everyone cheered!  There were hugs and there were kisses!  The first song i heard at midnight was not Auld Lang Syne, it was Kanye West’s Good Life.  Hopefully that is a sign of things to come in 2009.

After the commotion died down Vanilla Ice came on stage.

He put on a show for about an hour and i have to admit, it wasn’t too bad.  He did Ice Ice Baby, and the crowd went wild.  He also did a remix version of Ninja Rap… but it was a lot slower than the original.  And after performing the song he continued to admit he still liked the Ninja Turtles.

His group consisted of a drummer and a turntablist.  And he was the only one on the mic.  After about two songs, he pulled up a bunch of girls on stage and one of them got pretty nasty.  At first she just began to lift up her skirt just a little so you could see her panties… and then as the show progressed her top managed to come down and her tits were out!  Unbelievable…. it’s amazing what alcohol will do to a person!

Pictures to come.

After contracting a nasty stomach flu and being bed ridden or shall I say toilet ridden for 3 days I was looking forward to heading to Vegas for a bit of a holiday. Well so much for that.

I arrived at the airport and got to the counter to check in for my flight to denver which would’ve connected me to vegas. The lady at the checkout counter told me I could get to Denver but all flights out of Denver to vegas were either full or cancelled. There was no chance of getting to vegas within the next couple days. After Christmas at best.

So we all decided to turn around and head home. My little trip is cancelled and I don’t get to go anywhere. Sonuvabitch.

So i’m supposed to be going to vegas on Tuesday… and there’s snow.  My plans for a nice warm vacation in the desert has really been smashed… well sorta.  They received about 2 inches of snow.  And temperatures have reached -5°C.  Which is bad for them…. but that’s still warm for me!

The only thing that’s gonna suck is I hear traffic is terribly slow… i think i’m gonna call cab when i land and show the cabby how to drive in the snow, i’ll do e-brake drifts through the intersections!

So it may not be hot and sunny, it’s still at least warmer than winnipeg’s -40°C weather!

Screw you winnipeg!

Weighed in again and found that i am continuing to lose weight.  i think i’m down 30 pounds now in total.  This is good news for me.  When i tried losing weight last time i lost about 25 pounds in 2 months.  That was the most i had ever done.

Everything is great.  I’ve been really enjoying myself.  I’ve been dancing again, and i’ve been staying active.  I have great friends, and i am making new friends too.  Life has really seemed to turn around for me, especially as of late.  It’s all so new to me.  I can’t believe how much has changed for me.  About a year ago from now i had fallen into this terrible routine.

Now when i look back i can see how much of a routine i was stuck in… and how crappy and sad i actually was.  I was stuck in a relationship, that clearly wasn’t making me truly happy.  I was just going along with it cause i thought it was right and I thought it was what i wanted, but now i know what i had, and it really wasn’t what i wanted.  I know what i want now and i know what i’m looking for in a companion.  I know what could make me truly happy.

During my break up with Laura, i listened to a lot of music, and for some reason i really gravitated towards U2.  I was never really a U2 fan before so it was odd that i chose them as a form of strength.  I really did feel “inspired” by the lyrics to make it through the tough times i was feeling.  Two songs that really stuck out for me:

• Stuck In A Moment You Can’t Get Out Of
• Sometimes You Can’t Make It On Your Own

(more…)

I know it’s overplayed, but I’m really digging on it right now.

-lyrics-
[John Legend:]
Give me the Greenlight
Give me just one night
I’m ready to go right now
I’m ready to go right now

I’m ready to go right now
I’m ready to go right now

I see you move, I’m checking your smile
Working your back like it’s going out of style
Shake just a little bit faster
Shake just a little now girl
Dying to meet you, so let’s mess around
I’ve got an obsession of us getting down
Come just a little bit closer
I just need permission so just…

Give me the greenlight
Give me just one night
I’m ready to go right now
I’m ready to go right now
We can go all night
Give me the greenlight
I’m ready to go right now
I’m ready to go right now

I want your green greenlight
But if it’s what it seems like
Then we can get it moving baby
Cause we know it’s gonna be right

I’m ready to go right now
I’m ready to go right now

[Andre 3000:]
I want your green redlight
I wanna see what you dance like
But if I can be your buddy
Help you study and get your head right

[John Legend:]
I’m ready to go right now
I’m ready to go right now

Do I have a girlfriend… technically no.
If you’ll be my girlfriend then I’ll make it so
You’ll be my only true lover
No competition, no others
Baby it’s just the thrill of the chase
But I’ve got a feeling that I’m winning this race!
Baby I’m in much closer
I just need permission so…

[John Legend:]
Give me the greenlight…
Give me just one night.
I’m ready to go right now!
I’m ready to go right now
We can go all night
Give me the greenlight
I’m ready to go right now
I’m ready to go right now

[Andre 3000:]
I want your green greenlight
But if it’s what it seems like
Then we can get it moving baby
Cause we know it’s gonna be right

[John Legend:]
I’m ready to go right now
I’m ready to go right now

[Andre 3000:]
I want your green redlight
I wanna see what you dance like
But if I can be your buddy
Help you study and get your head right

[Andre 3000:]
So I went hard like Madusa staring at me
I told her let’s go, let’s blow this lame nigga factory
She said, What type of girl do you think I are
The kind that you meet in a bar
You think you can get whatever you want cause you some kinda star
No I’m a comet
I just want you woman
Hey, If I were you then It would be me that I go home with
3, the one and only
One thing you ain’t considered
I heard you when you told your girl “ooo he can get it”
Admit it
You did it
Let’s hop a cab and split it
I’m kiddin
We both going to where you livin
HA, I got you gigglin like I’m piglet
Oh that’s the ticket
I hope you are more like anita baker than robin givens
No, I don’t know that lady so let me quit it
I’m just style freein, freestylin with ya’ll soundin you
That’s just what I’m telling you
Should be in bed with you
Like I’ve been in jail for two
Years and then they let me loose

[Chorus]

[Andre 3000:]
You got you one legend
Sometimes you gotta step from behind the piano
And let em know what’s going on
Even stevie wonder got down sometimes
I’m ready to go

I weighed in again yesterday and it looks like i’ve lost another 5 pounds since i last weighed in 3 weeks ago!  My strength has also increased, so things are just getting better and better for me!

I’m excited…. all this working out and eating right is really beginning to show.  Slowly but surely i’m still losing weight.  I don’t really have a target or goal, i just wanna keep losing weight until i hit that wall where i can’t lose weight anymore.  I’m hoping to get down to 200 at least i guess, and then continue to keep losing weight if i can.  I think 215 might be where i’ll start seeing a slow down in weight loss.  Right now i’m weighing in at 227 lbs.  But i’m committed to keeping at it and maintain my diet and fitness plan for at least a year.

On the weekend cleaned up my room, took me a few hours, but i went through almost all the stuff in my room sorting and tossing stuff out.  I packed up any photos and notes i had from Laura.  It made me quite sad reading the stuff we used to tell each other when we were “in love”.  I looked at some old photos and then put them all in a box and packed it away.  It was a very somber moment for me.  I was sitting there on the edge of my bed and i felt so lonely at that moment in time.  What hurts most is that she just doesn’t want any contact from me whatsoever.  I think i made her hate me by writing about her on my blog.

Well whatever it is, and whatever happens, i am concentrating all my energy into getting fit.  “Fuck it all…. get fit”.  That’s what i keep telling myself for now.